


where were you when i was still kind

by moonstruts



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Canon Related, Friendship, M/M, Not Happy, Post-Canon, pls run away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 04:12:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7493364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstruts/pseuds/moonstruts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>a few years later, on whale island.</p>
            </blockquote>





	where were you when i was still kind

**Author's Note:**

> posted this on my tumblr years ago when i still existed, but here it is again anyway.

It was a strange thing, to see a ghost on Whale Island. Or, perhaps it was an equally strange thing to see Ging Freecss suddenly reemerging from the depths of history, shoulder-to-shoulder with the very son he left so long ago, only to disappear the next day with no trace or evidence that he had even been there to begin with. His presence was, in the end, like smoke: a quiet whisper, a hurried look. And then he was gone.

No one was surprised, really.

Several weeks passed since then. Things started to feel like dreaming, like treehopping and whale-surfing, like grasping at the moon and getting a fistful of sand. Gon, with his fishing rod set aside and the last of Mito-san’s novels worn and dog-earred, sat outside on the sunbathed porch and saw a ghost for the second time in a month.

“Killua,” said a small voice. It sounded more like a thought than a greeting. A sinful thing.

The ghost half-smiled, with eyes like the moon. “Gon.” The pretty girl at his side grinned big, waved happily.

 _Why are you here? Why have you come now? How long has it been? Are you well? Are you happy?_ The questions clawed at his tired throat, sought solace on his tongue, but died between his teeth. Because he was not ready. Because he was not brave enough. And all that he could manage was, “Long time no see.”

“I’d say.” Killua stretched his arms, rolled his shoulders, and craned his neck to check on Alluka who was now talking with Mito-san in an enchanted stupor. Gon hadn’t even noticed. “Been up to anything?”

“Not really.” He looked to his dirty fingernails, cracked his knuckle absently. “I got into reading more lately, I guess.” He waved the novel in his hand, the one he had already read three times over. Actually, Gon had imagined the main character as Killua every read through. But real Killua was different than the one in his story; he was older, taller, and almost scary.

“It feels like I’m being haunted by the people I could never have.” Gon added, absently, scratched his cheek with a nervous laugh.

“You had me once.” Killua said with a blank look.

He searched his face for traces of a lie, but found nothing, nothing, nothing.

Then, like a possessed soul, dared to ask, “Would you like to go around the island with me?”

Gon wasn’t really sure what happened after that. He was sleeping on his feet, eyes open, mouth moving; it was surreal. No attention was paid to the lesser things, like the thorns that left little cuts in his ankles or the sun dropping. Unlike his mind, his eyes wouldn’t lie, and they always found their path back to Killua. It was the little things: how his voice was slightly deeper, but he was shorter than Gon, and his skin was pale like his hair, and his eyes were still half-dead, half-storming.

Beside the campfire that night, he found his mouth dry and his heart soft, so soft. Salty lips, what he tasted when he said, “I’m sorry.”

Killua paused, visibly. “What for?” Voice quiet, but hard.

“Everything? I suppose. And,” He played with his shoelace, thinking aloud, “I miss you.”

When silence followed, Gon shifted in his seat, pulse ringing. It was all so loud but quiet at the same time, and everything was so hard he could die trying, or so it felt. And then from beside him:

“That’s not fair.” Killua looked at him, really looked at him, and all he saw were endless eyes, hollow eyes. “It’s been two and a half years.”

“I know, I’m…” _sorry_.

“I didn’t want much. I never asked for anything. You could have said that a long ass time ago.”

He choked on his apology for the fourth time that night. And then it was quiet again, save for the creatures in the dark.

“I loved you, Gon,” Killua said, suddenly. “I would have loved you for all my life.

You were my first friend, my best friend.“

"You were mine, too, Killua.” It hurt to talk.

“All I wanted was to walk the world with you. But I learned something: you can’t make homes out of people.”

He swallowed, throat dry. “What will you do now?”

“I don’t know.” Killua was calm, the eye of the storm. “Live, I guess. You should, too.”

And like a coward, he shut his eyes to the things that scared him, and when he did he saw a younger Killua. He saw a starry sky. He saw the beginning to it all.

_Let’s stick together!_

When Gon woke up to a dying fire, he was alone again.

**Author's Note:**

> yeah, i know. i'm sorry.


End file.
